Parenting Tools: Love and Logic And Counting To Three

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I’ve talked briefly about Love and Logic parenting because I think it’s a great philosophy, and I’ve seen it work. I want to equip parents with as many tools as possible, because as we know, being a mom and dad does not come with a guide. There is a great book that I highly recommend called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W Phelan.

The book talks about practical strategies to help give your kids choices and also set appropriate boundaries – without yelling. I think one thing most parents say before they have kids is that they don’t want to be the type of parent who is always screaming at their kids. But, as we all know, once you become a parent and you are faced with the day-to-day stress and the task of teaching your child responsibility, it is so easy to resort to yelling. The thing is, though, that only creates more stress and hinders our children, who don’t respond well to anger.

The idea of Love and Logic parenting is to be very clear with your kids about their choices and the consequences. Make your rules make sense to them. The key here is that you have to follow through. Empty threats are the worse because they teach your children nothing and make you upset and angry. Instead, tell your children what you expect, why you expect it and what will happen if those things aren’t done. Then, simply follow through with a consequence that makes sense.

For example, we were having trouble getting my youngest child to brush her teeth before going to bed. At some point, it needs to become the child’s responsibility. So, one day, I decided to stop the nighttime struggle and presented her with this scenario. I said, “They are your teeth and therefore it is your responsibility to brush them. I’m not going to do it for you. However, as a parent, I have to protect you from getting cavities. That’s part of my job to keep you healthy. So, if you don’t brush your teeth then you won’t be able to eat any of the sugary treats or candy that you like because that is what is most likely to cause cavities.”

This blog talks more about Love and Logic parenting as well as using the “1-2-3 strategy.” The idea with counting is that you are giving your child a formal warning and time to focus on what the consequence will be for a certain behavior. After three, you need to take action and follow through with a consequence.

What other strategies do you use that you’ve seen are effective? I’d love to hear your feedback!

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