Adler’s Parenting Goals And How They Can Help You

One of the psychologists who had the most profound effect on me as a parent and went on to shape the entire philosophy of my company is Alfred Adler. As a middle child of seven children, Adler formulated a set of basic theories to articulate his views on equality, social interest and significance of birth order.

He also developed a set of child guidance practices based on principles of respect and dignity. He was fixated with the idea of human cooperation and democratic living, which helps explain why I gravitated toward his teachings back when I was learning about him in my psychology classes.

From his teachings, we get what are known as the Four Adlerian Pillars of Parenting, or the Four Cs, which are:
Connection: If you respect your child, it breeds respect and a bond within the family. You want to instill a sense of “belonging” in your child, and to do that you need to connect on a level of mutual understanding instead of being an all authoritative figure.
Capable: You teach children to be capable individuals by allowing them to think for themselves. Allow them to be a part of decisions. Make them accountable for their own schedules and time management.
Counted: This means your children need to know that their actions have consequences. Show your children the impact of their decisions and let them know how their words and actions affect you as a parent and your family as a whole.
Courage: This is about instilling a confidence in your child and a sense of self-worth so that they value themselves and trust themselves to make decisions and navigate challenges and failures.
The truth is you can use these four Cs in all of your relationships. We all want to feel connected to others. We all want to feel like we are capable. We all would like to feel like we count, we matter. We all hope to have courage in the face of turmoil. Sometimes I think it helps to stop separating our relationships with our kids from our relationships with other people.
Your children will grow into the people you treat them as, so it helps to treat them with the respect you want them to learn from other people in their lives.